I'm still here!

Hey! I know I haven't written anything lately but wanted to let you know I am still here and still waiting! My letter is being sent out every month and I know that when it is the right time it will find the right birth mother. I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Support!

I went to an adoption support group today in Atlanta and enjoyed it so much. It was great to hear from people who are just starting like me to those who are matched and just waiting until they have their baby in their hands. Each person had a different story to tell and a lot of their anxieties are the same anxieties that I have. How great to meet with a bunch of people who are going through the same things that I am going through? It is so helpful to hear how they are dealing with all of the anxieties and feelings that go along with adoption. This group will definitely help as I go through the waiting.

Anxiety Meeting!

On Tuesday I am traveling to Atlanta for a meeting that the Independent Adoption Center is having on anxiety during the adoption process. I figured this would be a good meeting for me to attend because I am trying hard not to have anxiety about the process but it just keeps sneaking up and then WHAM! I am hit with it. ANXIETY! Hopefully this meeting will help me to keep perspective and not get to anxious and just remember all things will happen in God's time.

My Website!

My website with the Independent Adoption Center is now up and active. Let the people start viewing! :)

Finally!

I have file approval!

I got word last week on my trip that I have file approval. What does this mean? It means that my birth mother letter will be printed and able to send out and my website will be put up. I am now up for the picking. So, now the real waiting begins. Before this I was waiting for this paperwork to be done and now I am just waiting for the right birth mother to contact me. I know that God has a birth mother out there for me and now I just have to use my patience to help me wait for that moment. It will happen. It will just take time.

It has all been submimtted!

All of my information has not been submitted to the head adoption coordinator to approve. Here's hoping! It would be great for it to be accepted the first time but I'm not holding my breath on that one. Again just minimal changes would be great for me. We'll see.

It's been awhile...

I have written in a bit and thought I'd let you know how things are progressing. I have just signed up for my toll free number and filled in the last part of the birth mother letter. I am hoping that my coordinator likes one of the ones I have submitted and will send my file to go up for approval. Once that happens then I am up for the choosing. My home study is now a few months old and that kind of peeves me because after a year you have to renew it. I just hate to have spent time of my home study with not being able to truly adopt. Oh well!!! timing always works out in the end. I hope that I have gone through all of this waiting on the front side and won't have to wait as long on the other side. I just have to remind myself that it is a process filled with waiting and what I am waiting for is completely worth it. It was so great to see another teacher's baby today and get to hold her. It was such a feeling of this is what I am waiting for. She was so sweet and smiley and just loveable. I can't wait for that! Well, I guess I can wait for it....I am waiting for it. I am so excited but I try to keep the excitement in check....I'll continue to keep you posted!

Almost there!

I have finally finished my letter. I am sending it in for file approval and hope that it is approved. Who knew this would be such a long process to write a letter and put pics with it? I have such a feeling relief that I now have a product for them to look over. The only worry is that it will have to have major edits. Minor edits, okay, I can deal with that. Major edits may get to me! It just seems that there are so many little steps to this process. I know that I will soon have a final product for birth mothers to look through but the waiting is torture!

Frustrations!

In the past two weeks I have been experiencing some frustrations with my adoption agency. As you have read I am working on my pictures and have not gotten the timely feedback I wanted. Well, over my break, I got an email about a picture I took. It was of me and my friend Shannon's son Derrick. We were making a cake and D only had on his diaper. When you are two chocolate cake batter seems to go places so why dirty a shirt. The email I got asked me to PhotoShop a shirt on him. Really!! Are we the only people who think this picture was acceptable? After that email, I was not happy at all. I decided to wait before I responded and take some time to think about my response. A few days later, I emailed her back and just explained my frustrations with the pictures, feedback and the timeliness of the feedback. Guess what! I got an email back the next day by 9 am. Ummm....wonder why? I also received three other emails that day after sending in pictures. This week I have talked on the phone with her and received more emails this week then since the start of this in February. I guess not keeping silent did work in my favor. I guess I should have done this sooner. While I still want this done NOW, I am understanding where she is coming from and am just working on taking as many pictures as possible. I think I need about three more. It will happen but it seems I need to put my timetable to the side and let things happen as they happen.

Lasts!

People usually don't count last things in their life but that is how I have been thinking lately. At Christmas the hope was this would be the last Christmas without a baby. The New Year would be the last New Year without a child to ring it in with. Now I have started Spring Break and my thoughts go to what if this is the last Spring Break I have without a child? I am so excited to think this may be the last without a little one to enjoy and watch grow every day. Who knew the last of something could be so sweet?


Of course, I am planning to enjoy all of my lasts. I know that things will change when I do have that little bundle of joy  so I am enjoying these last times to sleep when I want to. To decide that I want to pamper myself this week and not have to worry about finding someone to watch him or her while I do this, and then thinking that I am spending money that I should be spending on something else. Lasts are things I am enjoying but I can't wait for those FIRSTS to start!

Pictures!

How long does it take someone to look at pictures and say I like that one and use it? It takes a lot longer then I ever would have thought. My home study is finished and all I am waiting on is for my pics to be approved. Once that happens I can put my words and pics together and make my birth mother letter. That's it! That's all I have left. I know it sounds like such a little bit left to do but oh my goodness! I have been waiting on pics and approval since the end of January. My goodness! This is frustrating to me. Just say the pics are good put it together and we'll call it done. I would love for this to be done by the end of April. Every time I say that it's like it gets pushed back another month. I know I should complain but I have been working on this since December and want it FINISHED!. It's not in my control and I just need to accept that. I can't speed them up no matter how much I thank them for their speedy response. Pray that this will be finished by April or maybe the better prayer would be to give me patience. Everything happens in God's time right. Maybe the wait is setting me up to be shown  to that very special birth mother that I will meet and will bring me the child I am waiting for. Waiting is definitely hard!

Home Study Approved!

Finally, after six months of work and waiting, my home study has been approved! It was so weird reading about my whole life and seeing what friends and family had to say about me. It's a neat artifact that I will have for me and my child. I would imagine that one day they will want to read this information and see the feelings and reasons behind my decision to adopt.  This is a huge weight taken off of my shoulders. The next thing is to finish up my pictures and get my birth mother letter approved. My hope is that by the end of March beginning of April, I will be set to be chosen by the right birth mother. I am feeling like progress is being made and that makes me happy.

A Good Read!

If you are looking about a good read with an adoption angle, check out Cutting Stone by Abraham Verghese. The book does not focus on adoption but it is an underlying theme. It does have a little medical jargon but nothing that can not be understood. I really enjoyed this book. It made me go through so many emotions. Check it out and let me know what you think. I tried to get the book cover on here but can't do it.

A bit anxious!

I have turned in all of my paperwork and am just waiting on my home study to be written and my pics to be approved. Right now, not much of this is in my control and I am not enjoying that. I want the pics approved and the home study written. I am ready to get this show on the road. I want to be up so someone can choose me. Ugh! I know...patience...I just don't feel like having even patience right now. I want my stuff done NOW! Any ideas on what I should do to help get my mind off of this??

Half way done!

. . . with my birth other letter that is. The letter part of my birth mother letter is done. Now, I have to take some pictures with me and kids and me and the dogs. Since my dogs are not small dogs, they want a picture with me and them to show that they are friendly. Believe me, Sadie and Sampson, are sweet and will lick anyone to death. I still have some budget paperwork to send in and then hopefully the homestudy will be completed. I can see an end in sight. . . at least an end to the paperwork and a beginning to more, you guessed it, WAITING! :)

It continues on ...

I called this blog Waiting! because I knew I would be doing a lot of that. I thought I would be okay with waiting and I am to a point. Right now, I am waiting for my home study to be finished. I am waiting for my birthmother letter to be approved. I am waiting to get pics of me with my nephew, nieces, friends and family. There are things to be done but in order to do them I have to wait. I have to wait for someone else to write the home study. I have to wait for someone else to approve my letter. I have to wait for times when I get together with everyone to take pictures. Ahhh...the waiting!

During the home study process, I have thought about how I would not mind doing what my home study counselor does. How great would it be to help out other individuals and couples who want to adopt. I would be able to set my hours but I have a feeling I may have to have some additional education. I don't mind going to school again and maybe it can give me something to do during the waiting. Umm....thoughts...that's what happens when I wait. I think too much. Who knows what I may come up with by the time I have a baby? :)

Yard Sale Rescheduled!

I have decided to hold a yard sale at the beginning of March. I am just not prepared to do it in the middle of Feb. If you have old stuff that you do not want and are willing to give it to me for the yard sale, let me know. I will come pick it up or you can drop it off at my house. I am thinking about selling some donuts and water or coffee. What do you all think? Any ideas?

Home Study Visit Number 2!

This past Thursday, I had my second home study visit. After talking for two hours the last time, I had no idea what to expect for this one. It was shorter then the last one and a lot more laid back. Cindy, my home study lady, gave me lot of resources for adoption and for after the adoption. I gave her some financial forms and then we talked about different adoption stories. We talked a little more about when I would need a will. Who would have thought I would need one so soon? I guess it's something I have taken for granted but when I have a child, I will need to make sure they are taken care of if something happens to me. That means I need to start thinking about who I will choose for a guardian for my child, just in case. Hard decisions ahead!

Here is the controversial part of the meeting. Cindy tells me that I will need to spend the first three weeks by myself with the baby. Mothers have 9 months to bond with their baby and I need to make sure I have that bonding time. So, I went ahead and told my mother this to prepare her. Believe me this does not go over well. I will do some more research on this but was wondering what others thought. Any comments or thoughts?

Yard Sale!

I have decided to have a yard sale in the middle of February to help with adoption costs. If you have any old items you would like to donate let me know and I can pick them up from you. All of the proceeds will go to my adoption costs.

First Home Study Meeting!

On Thursday, December 30th, I had my first home study meeting. I must say on Wednesday I was freaking out a bit. I called my friend Melissa who has adopted and asked about her home study. She had a different experience then I did since her's was done on the phone while I have someone coming to my house. Melissa did help me feel better. She helped me think through some answers and told me what she thought they may ask me. While it was helpful I was still a ball of nerves. I knew I still had stuff to clean up but was in one of those moods that I didn't want to do it. Like if I didn't clean up the meeting wouldn't happen. Not that I did not want to have my meeting but the unknown is scary and having to sit and talk with someone I don't know for two hours about very personal things was unnerving to me.

So, I slept okay but got up the next morning and finished the last touches on the house. Even though she said she was not coming to do a white glove exam, you still want your house to look good. The meeting was scheduled for 12 p.m. and I am waiting. At 12:05 the phone rings and it's her. My first thought is we can not reschedule this meeting. I can't handle that but luckily she was only running late. When she arrives she is so nice and that helps put me at ease. She asks questions about where my smoke detectors, fire extinguishers and medicines are kept. We talk about why I want to adopt and what things would be non-negotiables for me. I basically want a healthy baby. She even asks me what type of man I am looking for in my life. Since I am adopting, some people think I have given up on men. That is not true but my thought is if I don't meet someone until I'm too old to have kids, I want to have had a kid. Does that make sense? When she asks me about the type of man I like my first thought is are you going to find me a man too? Wouldn't that be great? Two for one type deal. Adopt a family. :)

She then walks around my house. She loves the room that will be the babies. I love it too. It's nice a big and bright even with brown wall paint. We were trying to figure out how big it is and she actually walked it off. Next we go to my room. This has been a point of worry for me because the popcorn is coming off and I am still in the process of fixing it. It is just a nasty job. She doesn't even see it. I don't know how but that was a relief. Next, she has to meet the dogs. Another worry spot. Sadie and Sampson are the sweetest dogs. They would never hurt anyone but they jump. Luckily, my deck is where I can fence them off. They did not get to jump on her. She loved them and thought they were great. Sigh of relief!

We spent two hours talking about life and taking a full family history. Who knew there was so much information I could tell about my life? We are in the process of setting up another meeting. I am not sure what else I have to tell her. There is not that much going on in my life. At least this next meeting I will not be as anxious. At least, I hope I won't be as anxious as the first meeting. Thanks to all of you who called and asked me how it went. I'll let you know when the next one is going to happen.